Tears of Blood
by queeneternity
Summary: This...I don't know what to say about this... Um, just don't blame me. I normally don't write all angsty and such.


This story is a lot different than my normal stuff; I just wanted to try out something with a less humorous feel to it. Please tell me what you think and if I should do more stuff like this or if you like my other style better.

Tears of Blood

Cry me tears of red…cry so it makes a river around you so I may watch you drowning…there are so many others…why should I choose you?

Kazahaya was scared. He had never meant to fall for Rikuo, but after their trip to the school in the mountains to find the ring, he had felt a little different towards the dark haired boy in such a way that it terrified him.

Whenever he saw Rikuo, he felt such a strange emotion wash over him, but he didn't know or didn't want to accept what this emotion was until he had felt the longing for Rikuo's lips against his twice. It was love. Kazahaya, though he had identified it, struggled to find a loop hole. 'It isn't love,' He'd tell himself and then add one of his many excuses, many having to do with corruption from the mountain school.

But no matter how he tried, the fact remained, and each day Kazahaya found it harder to keep his feelings hidden.

Kazahaya crawled into his bed. It had been a long and hard day of work in the drugstore. Rikuo had been missing the entire day. This filled Kazahaya's mind with images of Rikuo spending the day with women or men, making Kazahaya bite back a sob. "It's just an assumption," He whispered to himself, "And I don't love him." The denial was routine now; a final resistance from the part of him that loathed Rikuo's very being.

When Kazahaya finally fell asleep, he dreamt that he was invisible to Rikuo. He awoke with tears in his eyes and a strange craving of something that he didn't understand. It wasn't like his cravings for Rikuo, but for something different. He wanted-no, **_needed_**-something…cleansing, purifying. He got up from his bed in order to search for what he wanted, but it seemed just out of reach; leaving him feeling hopeless and drained with the craving.

He eventually gave up his hunt and went to take a shower. As the cool water poured down his body, he began to cry again as a tightness clenched his chest. But crying didn't alleviate the pressure on his chest, but made it clamp down harder, which in turn made him sob harder. The pain forced him to his knees as he wondered why he was crying in the first place. He remembered. It was because he knew deep down that Rikuo could never love him. Though the tightness in his chest and his sobs were stronger after his realization, Kazahaya struggled to stand. His eyes blind by tears, he felt something rip into his hand, tearing apart his flesh to allow crimson to spiral down his arm as it mixed with water.

Kazahaya looked at the blood, watching it. He didn't notice that his tears were stopping and that the tightening of his chest was fading. All he could see was the red, the beautiful red that seemed to be his contorted feelings and not his life's blood leaving him.

After a moment that seemed eternal, he seemed to return to his senses. Though it was only a little cut, it was bleeding a lot. He clenched his hand into a fist to slow the bleeding and quickly finished up his shower.

After getting dressed, Kazahaya almost reluctantly bound the wound. His craving for purification and the tightness in his chest were returning as the red vanished from his sight, but he fought it. He would remember what had helped cured him and let his blood flow more later.

He returned to his room to see that Rikuo had returned. Kazahaya felt like his heart was being crushed in someone's hand as he saw his room mate.

"Where were you?" Kazahaya asked, trying to sound as angry as possible.

Rikuo shook his head. "Kakei's jobs," He answered simply from where he stood over the stove, cooking breakfast. He turned to wipe off his hands and then looked up at Kazahaya. "What?" He asked as he saw that Kazahaya was glaring at him.

Kazahaya felt as though his face was trying to go pale and flush at the same time and turned away. "I had to do ALL the work last night!" He snapped.

"I could have given you my job, then?" Rikuo asked as he smirked, turning back to the cooking food.

'Insensitive bastard,' Kazahaya thought bitterly as he sat at the table, 'he doesn't understand what's happening; what I'm going through.'

He then realized something. "Kakei gave you a job to do without me?" He asked.

"Took you long enough," Rikuo said mockingly as he finished up the food and dished them up. "It was just another object."

Kazahaya growled as Rikuo placed a plate in front of him and then forced himself to eat it.

It had been a hard day of work. Kazahaya dragged himself up the stairs to his room over the shop and into bed. He lay there, tired, but with his eye's refusing to be shut until he recognized his craving for blood. He sighed as he sat up and unbound his hand to pick at the beginnings of a scab. He winced as he managed to produce a droplet of blood. He stopped then, not liking the pain. But how was he to get blood without pain? He spotted a box cutter, one he used down in the drugstore, and picked it up. He held it in one hand, wondering where to cut that no one would see and then removed his shirt. He placed the blade just under his collar bone and drew it down. At first, nothing happened, making Kazahaya wonder if he hadn't cut deep enough. But then, beads of blood welled up in the shallow wound followed by a gentle, almost comforting, sting. Not satisfied, he cut a second time just below the first. This time, there was more blood. He watched as the crimson liquid beaded together into a droplet, which slid down his bare chest and stomach, tickling him. He dipped a finger into this stream and held it up to the moonlight flowing through his window. It was even more beautiful at night than it had been in the shower. He placed the finger to his lips as the thrill made him feel a little dizzy. He jumped as he heard the door shut and realized that he hadn't checked to make sure that Rikuo was in bed and sleeping.

"Rikuo?" Kazahaya said softly into the darkness.

Kazahaya heard Rikuo grunt and then watched as his form moved towards him. "Kazahaya…?" Rikuo asked as Kazahaya watched his dark eyes dart from the self inflicted wounds to the box cutter in his hand, "What are you doing?"

Kazahaya lowered his head and began to cry, ashamed.

"You're hurting yourself; give me that!" Rikuo said firmly as he reached for the blade.

Kazahaya hadn't even noticed that the box cutter had cut into his hand. As he saw Rikuo reaching to take the object that had allowed him relief, he panicked and, shutting his eyes, stabbed out with the blade and felt it hit something.

There was a moment of silence that seemed to last for hours as Kazahaya found the courage to open his eyes to see what damage had been done and saw the blade sticking into Rikuo's palm.

"Kazahaya?" Rikuo asked as he looked down at the wound and then pulled his injured hand away, "What's going on?"

Kazahaya let the blade drop and then began to cry again, this time tears of rage instead of shame. "You wouldn't understand!" Kazahaya shouted, "You'd never…!" He paused, noticing that Rikuo's eyes were still cold and unchanged, not showing a hint of pain. Rikuo wasn't even watching him, but was trying to get his hand to stop bleeding.

Kazahaya trembled in rage. 'I'll show you, you bastard,' he thought as he snatched Rikuo's chin, forced him to meet his eyes, and then found himself drawn…captured…

Kazahaya's lips gently met Rikuo's, his rage forgotten as he kissed Rikuo, ignoring the fact that the dark haired boy wasn't kissing him back. As he realized what he was doing, he pulled back in horror and stared at Rikuo, waiting for a reaction.

But there was none, only…


End file.
